An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off too!”
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ” Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said, “Don’t look at me. He made his lunches himself.”
Two men were out hunting bears, when one of them was mauled by a bear. His friend tried to resuscitate him but eventually presumed he was dead, and went to find a phone. He called 999 and told the operator his friend was dead after being mauled by a bear and asked what he should do next. The operator said “Are you absolutely sure he is dead? Go back to the body and just make sure.”
He left the phone hanging and ran back to his friend. The operator heard two gunshots, before he sprinted back to phone and said “okay, he is definitely dead, what do I do now?”
Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for little fireside chat. He said, “Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on.’ So, she did and said, ‘These are too big, I can’t wear them.’ So I replied, ‘Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that night we have never had any problems.”
“Hmmm,” said Jack. He thought that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, “Here try these on.”
So she does and says, “These are too large, they don’t fit me.”
So Jack says, “Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don’t want you to ever forget that.”
Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, “Here, you try on mine.”
So he does and says, “I can’t get into your pants.”
So Jill says, “Exactly. And if you don’t change your attitude, you never will.”