American Jokes 2

Daddy and Girl

Death

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, I am afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy.
So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy? asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, Tiddles legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for God to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven.

Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: Mommy almost died this morning. Fearing something terrible had happened, the father shook the girl and shouted, How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!

Well, mumbled Lucy, soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, Oh Jesus!!! I am coming, I am coming!!! and if it hadnot been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy.

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Proper Pronunciation

An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist.
A bit hairy… remarked the American.
Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, well yes! What did you expect – feathers!

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Clinton-Bush-AlGore

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Al Gore were on a sinking ship.
Gore yelled, We must save the women!
Screw the women! Bush replied.
Clinton asked, excited,
Do we have enough time for that?

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This businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed the door shut taking off.
Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman running right beside the van. The thought “oh well”. So they drove on for another five miles, and once again they saw the businessman running beside their van. So this time they pulled over, opened the door, and asked the man: “Hey, how can you run so fast?”
He replied, “You would to if your little friend was stuck in the door…..”

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